My parents have flaws. They are far from perfect; they are humans. My mother, who I admire for raising me as a single mom and whom I respect and love has shown me a glimpse of a crazy, deep, anxious, black hole that stirs inside of her. We all have our boiling points, but I have been scared at witnessing hers. Although a rarity to catch, it is depressing, heart-breaking, and enraging at once.

My father, who I spent much of my life repairing my relationship with, grew once again to be an angel in my eyes. But again, this picture was stained. Disappointed, angry that we fight in cycle, I realized he too is imperfect, as am I.

I am lucky to have them both, but it is truly crushing to realize that parents have flaws. Even with divorced parents and “family issues,” I had a vision of them being super heroes, role models, and people I aspired to be one day. Yet, I am coming to terms with this new reality and working to be less of a judgmental daughter.

My parents cheer me on at my UCSB graduation. I wouldn't be anything without them both.
My parents cheer me on at my UCSB graduation. I wouldn’t be anything without them both.

Points To Consider:

Our parents “style” may be a product of the environment they were raised in– My father came from an abusive and broken home. My dad has been nothing but loving towards me when I see him, but I better understand why giving me money and presents may have been the only way he knew how to show his love for me. I have been angry for a long time that he chose sending gifts over talking with me on the phone, but he has shared his story with me and is making an effort to know me better.

Our parents may be suffering from anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues– Parents are susceptible to these issues too, and as an adult I would like to be there for both of them, available with support, comfort, a laugh, a hug, or a listening ear.

Our parents may be stressed– Both my mother and father are dealing with economic woes, layoffs, and relationship troubles. I have stressed out, freaked out, and scared parents. I know they have laid back, loving, and light-hearted spirits inside of them too. I hope I can help keep these circumstantial issues from getting the best of them, and the best of me.

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